Table for One

It comes every year and for me, every year it's always the same. February is not supposed to be cold but it feels colder than December.

Simply walking along the campus or mall or office, I unintentionally gravitate towards couples that are just a tad too close to each other. I think that if they got any closer they'd never separate; but all I can do is just breathe a sigh as I realize that I’m walking alone – and what I wouldn’t give for someone I can share that same experience with. Not having anyone, not even to walk with, when Valentine’s Day is only few days away heightens that feeling of loneliness. The depression sets in. there will always be couples that will unintentionally rub it in, that I’m alone. That what makes them so happy is what makes me so, so sad. Their happiness slowly eats me and I end up wishing they’d stop whatever innocent thing they’re doing so I can get on with my life. It’s depressing to think about what I don’t have and even more depressing to know that others have it, but not me.

I get to thinking about what I had before. Loves lost; memories of past lovers visit my daydreams and I remember how light the feeling was and how pretty mundane everything else seems now. Everything was easier or if not lighter, at least easier to bear. There will always be laugh to be shared and the security of knowing that someone else cares as much as I do. But all that is gone and they don’t seem to want to come back. That feeling of security has escaped me. And the worst thing about it is that I’ve already gotten used to it so every now and then I long for that which I have lost. Now all that’s left are memories and wishful thinking. Thoughts about whose fault it was and who broke up with whom are buried in the longing for the old feeling to come back, the feeling of having someone to love and somebody to love me in return.

Then come thoughts about what could have been; some unrequited love from that person whom I have been patiently waiting for. That, whom I’d give everything for but don’t seem to want to take it. They may complain about their current love that everyone knows they would be better without. All they get from him are heartaches and disappointments and I’m there patiently waiting. I’m waiting for a glimmer of hope that realization may turn out in my favor in the end. Just waiting for the chance that they’d have a realization that they could do better and that I’d make them happier. But that has always been the case since last February and it has never changed. That day never comes and they haven’t wised up nor have me, patiently but illogically waiting for something that will never come.

I then think of what brought me to this loveless situation in the first place. I’d think that it might be that I’m not attractive. Nut beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all those quotes argue that there must be someone who at least finds me decent-looking. I probably haven’t gotten around to meeting people because I’m too focused on school and my training and do not have time for love. But it is ironic that the reason I want to study and work hard is the same reason – to have a bright future – is the reason my present is not happier. It may be that it’s not a priority at this point. But shouldn’t love give way, at least in part, to everything else? Bitter must be the exact word to describe the whole thing and it may very well be the reason I’m alone. But I ask myself; can anyone blame me for my bitterness, when I’ve been waiting and waiting… and waiting for something that doesn’t seem to want to come?

It’s another year and another reminder that out of all the 365 days, Valentine’s Day vies to be the loneliest. There are cupids and heart-shaped cutouts plastered on stores’ windows, seemingly shouting out that it’s not the right time to be alone and yet I am. Couples seem to be strolling about merrier than they had been a week ago – actually, there didn’t seem to be as many couples a week ago. And now they have all gone out of their way just to taunt me. One look at a couple dining at a restaurant and I say to myself, “How’s she get to be so lucky to have someone love her that much?” or “What does she have that she has someone to share everything with and I don’t?” but no answers come and all I can do is go back to my dinner. Back to my meal in my table for one.

I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - The Main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away. ~John Steinbeck, 10 N

and so im back.. is it for real?!

arghs! goodness! it has been ages since i last posted and updated my blog site and i miss the hell out of it. i never imagined that it took me six months before i posted again. darn! that's too long, eh.

so many things had happened, people came and went.. and so with friends and the so-called friends..

i guess, im slowly coming back out of the grave.. do you know the feeling when it hurts sooooo d@mn much but then you can't do anything about it?! it really sucks! bigtime man! the pain was almost unbearable that it slowly kills my system.. (the problem was that BIG, huh?!)

for the past six months-- life was a roller-coaster, darn! no words can express how i felt during the dark hours of my life..=(

anyway-- i guess i'm really back. it's just as if i just posted my last entry yesterday. i have so many things to say but then they are just rumbling on my mind and i just type the words that comes from my mind.hehehe

and so who cares?!

anyway, after almost six months-- im finally back. for good na--sana. if schedule permits, i'll be online everyday na to catch up sa anim na buwan na pagkawala ko.


first, just wanna say na miss ko kayo, miss ko mga friends ko dito, miss ko ang forums, ang blogs, ang mga comments.. and miss ko din mga pinag-uusapan natin dito.
second, sorry to all the regular visitors and the guests who've been here lalo na nung panahon na magulo ang buhay.. (ya'know what i mean)

wasn't even here to defend you or defend the boys.. :(
'coz i myself don't know kung hanggang saan ang kaya kong gawin at sabihin ng mga panahon na yun. -i don't wanna excuse myself...kaya sorry talaga.

i've been away for almost six months, very timely to the shocking loss to UST, so the other people might thought na i ran away sa mga kritisismo and the stuff.. at some point yes, i admit-- i was afraid that i might cry, was afraid that i'll just end up fighting.. but now--time to move on na. already accepted the reality - "what's meant to be is meant to be.." Life is bittersweet truth, afterall....

to my One Big Blue Family and the Blue Eagles Supporters: well, that's it, eh. mahirap, masakit pero dapat tanggapin. okay na tayo di ba? ako--okay na rin naman kahit paano.. pero minsan sa mga di maiiwasang pagkakataon na bumabalik sa isip ko ang mga alaala, ang mga luha.. bumabalik at umaantak pa rin ang sakit na waring kahapon lang nangyari ang lahat. hindi lahat ng sugat ay kayang paghilumin ng panahon.at yun ang masakit na katotohanan,.
whew.. okay na nga tayu di ba? so as much as we can, sana maibalik na natin sa normal ang forum natin. despite the bashers...
magagawa natin yun if we will help each other. OBF!

grabe--i missed a lot i know,but then..somebody missed me too and my updates..
kung hindi lang naPost sa ibang forum na "Centroeagle's dead"
ay baka hindi pa ko nakapag blog ngayon. hahaha!
well-for the information of everybody-- im back.. and hopefully for good na. but then again, who cares?!

namiss ko kayong lahat..

have a great time!

To God be the Glory!

-centroeagle

and after 48 years...

and after 48 years-- here i am again.. blogging once more and killing time before i go to our last session of our recollection.

so how's everybody doin' so far? how's my blog? geez! i never imagined that it will take more that 3 months to update this blog-such a long time, eh?! i really got busy- soo freakin' busy that i sometimes forget to leave even a message on the tag board.
i got so busy during the entire summer. (i'll post my summer-adventures later this week-if time permits)

im in the school library right now-so i think i have to go now..
i promised to update asap!
take care guys! ammiiissshhhuuuu al.. =)

Finally, school year is over.

Yes, finally.. It's over.. Hell week is definitely over.
I really had enough of my professors who were not worthy to be called professors.
well, I wouldn't explain it any further because everybody knows this blog and they can track me for I am the only centroeagle everybody knows.
(I have the same username in the centro's site, so I really have to be extra careful)

anyhow-- mandarin is over! Yes, I did it! hahaha! I really have no idea on how I will pass the subject because I can't remember any mandarin or pinyin words right now. Except of course to "ni hao ma" and "she she" haha!
I barely attend Ms. Ong's classes and so she did. She always says that she didn't like our class because we are all incurably lazy..
come final examination.. My goodness! Out of 35 students, only 5 were able to take the exams. Yes! And unfortunately and as expected.. I wasn't one of them.
I am one of the thirty who are incurably lazy! (yes-- I do admit that I am.)
the 5 delinquent students submitted their mandarin activities.. While the thirty didn't. I didn't pass even one activity so how the hell will Ms. Ong give me my final exam right? Good thing I have a good PR-- the next day she game me my final exam. haha (thanks to my connection.. Ahem)

caregiving is over!! Darn.. It was sooo boring! really. If not only for Mr. Silva (our prof) i wouldn't have any motivation at all to go to his class. it was soooo damn boring! why?--well, the class will start from 7am to 1pm with only 1hour break! really really bores me.

foodtechnology, foodservice? finally-- no more laboratory works and i really had enough of cooking and spending and spending money. (sigh)
the lecture classes were also boring! and the laboratory were tiring and..........

human res0urce? well,, really had nothing to say aside from that i am thankful that Ms. L. didn't have her eyes for me. i didn't have a hard time on her subject and she's a teacher (professor?) who you can talk anything.. basta walang topak!! hehe

entrepreneurship? well, i acc0mplished something worthy in this subject! i finished our Feasibility study on no time at all. and hey, without the help of my group mates ah! i did it on my own. really! hehe
im glad that it's over.. it means, we are all over with Ms. N. sentiments on her love life.. arghs! she has no boyfriend at her age and she keeps on talking about it and i think she's self-pitying most of the times.

c0mputer2! arghs! i had a hard time in this subject, or i had a hard time on my professor i should say. (we had 3 or 4 professor here.. during the first two weeks of classes, we kept on changing prof)
darn! i hate this! really. it sucks.. oh'well.. i wasn't listening at all on Ms. S'
discussions. i was blogging and reading the forum and posting as well..
nice right? hehehe

education1... grabe! this one sucks!! really! it was soooo boring just like caregiving. 10-1 every monday was our schedule and nakakagutom at nakaka antok talaga. basta boring sya! Ms. A. didn't do anything except on talking and talking and talking that it really bores me.

-------- sa totoo lang.. i really don't know if i did something na makabuluhan or i learned something this semester.. i really don't know! hehehe

basta-- all i know is that after sampaguita interlude, bakasyon na. hehe
and im starting to enjoy it already! =)

have a nice summer vacation everyone...

ciao! till next time..
mwah..mwah..mwah..

sooo much for march!

oh'boy! finally, i had the chance to update my blog.. it's been more than a month since the last time i posted an entry.. and i really missed this. goodness! if not because of staying overnight to finish my damn feasibility study.. i don't think i would be able to find time to update this 'til summer when i a can say that I AM REALLY FREE!
free from all the brouhaha that comes our way---we're in BIG trouble in school.. we're all just hoping that the admin will not hold our clearances.. *hoping*
oh'well.. i just sneaked out to be able to post an entry here, even how short it is.. my groupmates know that i am typing the financial aspect of our FS.. if they only knew that im blogging.. hahaha! i don't know what they will tell me since we have agreed that we will stay focus in finishing our thesis since our defense will be 2mrw at 10am.

oh'my! it's been a hell week u know, HELL WEEKS as i may say.. i don't even sleep on time--3-4 hours of sleep everyday is all what i've got since finals came and all this finals' requirements were given to us. *thanks to our beloved professors*
infact, last night at two in the morning--i was crying while doing the financial aspect of our study. who wouldn't cry when all your groupmates are sleeping by that time while you were computing and analizing those damn numbers! it sucks really-- i don't even know how the hell did i come up with those figures...
the never ending balance sheets, cash flow, projected compensation, income statement. arghs man! it really sucks! i don't even know if came up with the right figures.. *i'll just hope for the BEST*

2mrw at 5 in the morning---we will go to paranaque to get the ilocos' empanada.
i just ordered there.. 45 each. (half of the price in batac's empanada)
but i really don't mind about the price anymore.. what's important is that i have my product to present and to evaluate 2mrw before the defense.
i will buy one empanada even if it costs 100! really! because the preparation and cooking is somehow hard to do and time consuming.. plus the fact that I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO COOK THAT EMPANADA!!!

well-- i have to say bye for now.. i promise to update my blog as often as i can before summer vacation will eat my time. haha

ciao guys and have a good night sleep!

mwah..mwah..mwah!!

>>>POINT GUARD MADNESS<<<

The point guard is what coaches refer to as the "1" position on the floor. He is the coach general, a coach inside the floor. He is the player that possess the uncanny ability to get you the ball at the right time, at the right place. He is a director, orchestrating one play after another. He is the pace-setter, knowing how to speed things up and how to slow the tempo down. He is the time keeper, always aware of the ticks left on the clock. Give him an inch and he'll bury a three. Once in a while he'll break your knees with a cross-over dribble, then blow by you for a lay-up - or maybe even a no-look pass. He is a leader, someone you can count on to make the big plays.


These are qualities that characterize good point guards. But the great ones stand out because of their court smarts. Peter June "The Gladiator" Simon is remembered and known for as one of the tops in the league for his pin-point passing and his composed style of play. Mike "The Cool Cat" Cortez is arguably one of the best point guard to strut his stuff in the UAAP and PBA, displaying athleticism, great skills and an amazing feel for the game. Lewis Alfred "The Spitfire" Tenorio has risen the game to new heights in the point guard hierarchy because of his court savvy and clutch plays. He will always be hailed as one of the greatest because of his never-say-die attitude, an approach that requires a lot of mental toughness!


Not too many people realize the importance of a point guard. Many believes that it is always wise to choose a big man for the simple reason the height can't be taught. A tall player with less skill has a better chance than a skilled but a short player. The underlying notion is that, big men are probably bigger steals than point guards, but over the years, the point guards has evolved into mature and confident players who are aware of their worth and of what they can give to a team. They maybe lacking in height but come game time, they certainly stand tall inside the court.

Letter of LA Tenorio to the Ateneo Community

Editor’s note: Lewis Alfred “LA” Tenorio entered the
Ateneo De Manila University in the summer of 2001. As a highly recruited player out of San Beda, LA helped re-energize Ateneo basketball with his big-game heroics and fighting heart. He entered Ateneo excited yet unsure of his place in the school. The trials were plentiful and extended beyond the hard court and into the classroom. But he persevered taking the lessons of “One Big Fight!” to heart. After five memorable years, he will be graduating in March 2006, with the degree A.B. Interdisciplinary Studies, capping a lifelong dream to suit up for the Blue-and-White and to receive an Ateneo diploma. While he will be leaving us with a lot of memorable and indelible moments that typified Ateneo’s athletic resurrection, the journey has just begun for this fine young man. He bids the Ateneo good-bye with the following letter.)




04 January 2006
Fr. Bienvenido F. Nebres, S.J.
President
Ateneo de Manila University

Dear Father Nebres and the Ateneo community,

I am writing this letter to the whole Ateneo community to express my appreciation for the support that you have bestowed upon me during the five years that I played for the school.

When I was in 4th year high school in San Beda, I did not seriously take the offer to play in the Ateneo. I thought that I would not survive the rigors of academic life. My impression was that Ateneo was for the elite. I thought I did not belong in the Ateneo.

There were many universities that were interested in recruiting me because of my basketball background in the National Collegiate Athletics Association (NCAA). Many universities offered me an automatic spot in their line up, but I felt I needed to go to a school that would give me the necessary skills to prepare me for the future. Playing basketball is my life, but I also realized that nothing is forever and therefore I could not rely solely on this skill. A college diploma would surely help me if a career change would be needed. I wanted to play; that is and will always be my passion, but I also knew that I needed a solid education.

Two very important people convinced me to play for the Ateneo; Fr.Tito Caluag, the team chaplain of the Men’s basketball team and Mr. Arben Santos, the team manager. They promised me only two things: first, that I would be getting a scholarship, and second, that I would get a GOOD EDUCATION. Of all the schools that tried to recruit me, it was only Ateneo who offered me that. A day after that meeting, I did not hesitate to commit myself to the Ateneo. The talk made me realize that the Ateneo was the school for me.

When Ateneo allowed me to play basketball, I was not only given the chance to play the sport I love but it also gave me a shot at getting a good education. My parents influenced me a lot in choosing the university I would go to. They told me that my education is the only gift they can give that nobody else can take away.
I am very thankful that I made the right decision.

I would like to express my gratitude to the people who supported me all the way….

To you, Fr. Ben Nebres, S.J. who was always there for our team through both the good and the bad times; for all your support and help in whatever issue I wanted to talk about; for all your inspirational talks during practices even through your busy schedule and for just being there. I will never forget your consistent line in our talks, “We’re here to support you guys all the way. Win or lose it’s the school we choose”.

To Fr. Tito Caluag who was always there for me and my family. He gave me encouragement and strength especially during my first few years in the Ateneo when I had difficulty adjusting to a new environment. He advised me many times about how to balance my studies and basketball. Even though he is no longer in Ateneo in my last year, I know and I am very sure that he is always there for me and for my family. I will never forget all the things that he taught me and for all the support that he gave.

To Father Nemy Que, SJ, for all his help and support whenever I had difficulty with my studies. He was also there to help our team whenever we were having a hard time during games. I will never forget his lessons in Philosophy. And how can I forget the team’s ”lucky charm” who says mass before games?

To all my coaches—Joe Lipa, Joel Banal, Sandy Arespacochaga, Norman Black and the coaching staff, managers and the utility men, I would like to thank them for all their support and for consistently teaching me how to hone my skills in basketball. I will never forget all of them as I consider them to be my second family. I will not be here without their help. I hope our roads will cross again in the future.

To all my former teammates, thank you so much for the trust that you bestowed upon me, for accepting me as I am. I will always remember our gimmicks, dinners after games and practices, team buildings and of course the games. Through hard fought games we stood side by side. I hope we will see each other again in the future.

I thank all the administrators and all the offices for their full support- through text messages of good luck before the game and congratulations after the game. Also, thank you for your encouragement, win or lose.
Thank you to all my professors from first to fourth year for all their help; for their understanding whenever I had difficulty with the subject and for taking time to give me advice. Also, I would like to thank them for their patience and willingness to help me in my struggle to finish my studies. I also want to say sorry for the times that I could have performed better, yet failed to do so.

I would also like to thank the Ateneo Alumni who took their time to help the team and my family as well. Thank you for being there with me and my family through the good and bad times. I will not forget all that you did for me. I consider all of you family, even though we do not see much of each other.

To my fellow Ateneans — my classmates and friends— thank you for all your help in my classes; for all the photocopied materials and handouts that you gave me especially at times when I had to miss some of my classes. Thank you for the support that you have given me and for being there as my friends. I could not have made it through Ateneo without your help. Thank you also for the inspirational text messages before and after games. I will always remember the experience I have with you in the Ateneo.

I do not know how to return the favor, trust and support that all of you have given me.

And lastly, to everyone out there who may be curious about what life in the Ateneo is like and are considering applying in this school, this is what I can tell you.

You don’t have to be student to be in Ateneo from grade school to college to be called an Atenean. Not everyone can get a 3.35 QPI, nor can everyone be a varsity player to say you’re an Atenean. What it takes is, to have GOOD HEART, the WILL TO LEARN and the DESIRE TO BE TAUGHT. In my five years in Ateneo, knowing this was important in the teacher-student and coach-player relationship and even in life experiences. I gradually became a better student and a better athlete because I gained and developed the will to learn and the desire to be taught.

I would never have been a better athlete without seeking to be a better student at the same time. Being a student and an athlete is inseparable. This was the best way and this is the Ateneo way.
As I leave my classroom, our practice sessions, as I bid Ateneo goodbye, I will always remember the lessons I’ve learned. What Ateneo has taught me marks the beginning of my life as a new me—the better me.

I will graduate this March, with my head up high not because of what I have achieved academically, or as a basketball player but because I know that I deserve it. I am an ATENEAN, in mind and soul, and I am proud of it.

Ateneo, you have seen the better side of me as you have prepared me to be so in the last five years. Now, as I walk out of the gates of the Loyola Schools, I will strive to be the best because I owe it all to God, and to you, the Ateneo.

Sa inyo po lahat, Taos puso po akong nagpapasalamat sa lahat ng Suporta at Pagmamahal na binigay ninyo sa akin at sa aking pamilya. Sana sa 5 taon ko po pamamalagi at pagsisilbi sa Ateneo, sana po napaligaya ko po kayo at naging inspirasyon po ako sa inyong lahat. Sana po patuloy ninyo po akong subaybayan saan man ako makarating.

MAHAL NA MAHAL KO PO KAYONG LAHAT!

MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT PO!

Sincerely,

LEWIS ALFRED TENORIO