you're still my bestfriend

Why do I always have to cry for something I know I can no longer hold on to? This is the question that boggles my mind. I always feel like crying whenever I get the chance to remember the moments my friend and I used to spend together. I know I should just accept the sad truth that things will never go back to normal between the two of us, but it hurts me. It’s just so hard to let go of something that was such a big part of my life. Some people say I should simply value the time I’m spending apart from my friend so I can discover myself, but this is just too painful for me to do. Now, I ask myself, what went wrong?

It was back in my high school days when we first met. We bonded and it eventually led to a sense of belonging. I treasure those moments when I treated him as my brother. We grew closer but despite all my expectations that we’d be better friends, we eventually got into a misunderstanding. I’ve started to feel empty since then.

I’ve accepted my mistakes and have tried to apologize but it’s just too tough to win back his friendship and trust. Though he’s no longer interested to be my friend, I still want to fix our situation. I know I must now start to say the word “goodbye,” but it will cost me countless tears before I recover. I once told myself that I’m being silly, and that I probably don’t deserve to have him, but it’s just too difficult to pretend that I’m not affected.

They say if you truly treasure someone in your heart, it doesn’t matter how much he or she has failed you. The important thing is that you still trust and accept that someone as a friend no matter what. The trust and acceptance he had for me is no longer there and I really can’t blame him if that is the way he wants it to be. But our memories will remain alive and I will treasure them forever.

Eventually, I know that when we leave behind the conflict, we’ll both be all right in the end. Each of us has our own lives to lead. After failed attempts to become his friend again, I realize that it might be good for him to go live his life and welcome more acquaintances. It’s painful, but I have to respect this decision and let him be free. I know our relationship didn’t last or work out the way I expected it to, but I’m glad our paths once crossed in high school. Because without the hurt the he has given me, I may not have this deep sense of having learned something from him. I know I can no longer look for another person exactly like him, and I know it’s unlikely for him to return to me. But I’m still hoping even if it’ll take forever to have his friendship once more.